Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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