if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
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