Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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