He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
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