Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Better skin, bigger boobs.. Birth control is INCREASING my chance of getting pregnant because people actually want to have sex with me now.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
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