My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
