My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
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