i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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