38 yer olds are good kisserssss
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
I think the reason she hasn't text me back is because I spanked her ass with Hulk Hands
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
You've changed since you got that strap on
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize