When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
