My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
