nut hugger
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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