What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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