Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
