areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
