I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
that is very illegal...i love you.
Randomize
