listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
