I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
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