1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
Boobs speak an international language.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Do you have feelings for this penis?
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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