i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
