I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
