My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Randomize
