I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
Randomize
