Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
Randomize
