I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Randomize
