you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize