so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
