forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
