you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize