Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
