its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
Randomize
