We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize