I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
