saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
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