A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
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