i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
There's a litter of kittens in my bathtub and beer cans everywhere. I want my apartment key back.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
