my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
