Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize