i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
