Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
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