i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
Randomize
