i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
