i would punch a child for taco bell
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
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