I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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