I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
Randomize
