being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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