Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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