i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
