I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
