I only kidnapped one of them. chill
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
