I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
