Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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