watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
