so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
