Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
okay i know we havent talked for like weeks but i just really wanted to tell you that i miss your dick. like alot.
whose this? and thank you
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize