Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Sorry about my life...
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
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