did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Randomize
