I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
