I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
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