We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
