Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
