I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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