i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
