I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Randomize
