I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
She yelled "taste the gay rainbow" in a biker bar. She's either brave or fuckin stupid.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
