singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
