Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
Randomize
