Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
