The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
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