She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
i've created a new STD.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
