I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
