i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
a search helicopter?!
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Randomize
