Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
