My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
I really would enjoy sexual intercourse with you.
Most formal booty call EVER
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
