We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
