Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize