Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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