stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
