her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
