my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
