No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
