Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
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