I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
Randomize