Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
