my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
Randomize
