I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
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