That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Randomize
