What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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