I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
