dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
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