I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
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