He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
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