peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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