She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This is the beginning of the end. Testicle Tuesdays and free ball Friday are going to scar people for life
Dude that picute of your balls will haunt my nightmares
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
