Me too!
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He better not be in your backpack
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
