He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Randomize
