just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
