I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
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