What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
it was like eating out sand paper
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
