The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
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