Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
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