If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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