No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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