I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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