look no pants
What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
