I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
