I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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