There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
