ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
i want george washington to fuck me as hard as he can holy shit
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