Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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