Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
