I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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