Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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