Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
