I'd wear matching sweaters with you
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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