And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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