and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
don't leave me alone with all the disney princess sluts
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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