I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
its like they have never seen someone walk through campus with a plunger
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
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