Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
On a scale of having tea with Ghandi to the apocalypse how bad of an idea is it to drink with a 100 degree fever?
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