So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
