whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
