I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
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