dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
