this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Randomize
