i think my mom watched the whole time
You smell like a Billy Joel song
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
